All I can see is tasks. Tasks to be completed and checklists. I want to keep fighting because, one: I want to get to the bottom of the list as soon as possible, two: I want to get out of this state of mind and body as soon as possible, three: if I relax or take a break now, I will lose this state, and then it will be a torture to come back into this non-human state - - and if I fail to come back here, I won't be able to get anything done.
I finish teaching and dash out into the Arizona sun headed for the Physics office to ask about a paycheck discrepancy. I saw the walking path was brown, glazed, wet actually. I had never known they were made of this kind of tiled stone and got this way when wet. Why were they wet, had it just rained? Really? Oh, it's still raining! It's not too much though, I think I can keep carrying my laptop in my hands. As I walk, I notice an old woman in fleece standing under a shade. Ok, probably because she is old and from Arizona, this light rain must be a big deal for her and she needs to wait it out under the shade? I pass through that shade. I notice the IT guy Bret walking through the dense rain, with a mechanical, determined, "going through life", "gotta do what I gotta do" expression on his face - something I could easily connect to at that moment. I guess people look like that in New York where it's raining all the time. I finally accept that the rain looks dense from the shade and probably it's a good idea to put my laptop inside my bag. While doing so, I wonder rains must be even more annoying in Arizona because you don't expect them. It doesn't cross your mind when you are getting ready to go out. And when it happens, you are like 'Oh!'. And then you just go on, because there is nothing you can do and no way you could have been prepared for this. When I turn around, I notice that the old woman was not what I thought - she was actually just another student of my age, and she decided to walk out into the sun and rain. I did so too in the opposite direction, headed my way.
The mechanical bot remains in me but I guess I can never shut off my left brain. The pace of things and how I feel, a mixture of tasks and yet a melancholy.
I finish teaching and dash out into the Arizona sun headed for the Physics office to ask about a paycheck discrepancy. I saw the walking path was brown, glazed, wet actually. I had never known they were made of this kind of tiled stone and got this way when wet. Why were they wet, had it just rained? Really? Oh, it's still raining! It's not too much though, I think I can keep carrying my laptop in my hands. As I walk, I notice an old woman in fleece standing under a shade. Ok, probably because she is old and from Arizona, this light rain must be a big deal for her and she needs to wait it out under the shade? I pass through that shade. I notice the IT guy Bret walking through the dense rain, with a mechanical, determined, "going through life", "gotta do what I gotta do" expression on his face - something I could easily connect to at that moment. I guess people look like that in New York where it's raining all the time. I finally accept that the rain looks dense from the shade and probably it's a good idea to put my laptop inside my bag. While doing so, I wonder rains must be even more annoying in Arizona because you don't expect them. It doesn't cross your mind when you are getting ready to go out. And when it happens, you are like 'Oh!'. And then you just go on, because there is nothing you can do and no way you could have been prepared for this. When I turn around, I notice that the old woman was not what I thought - she was actually just another student of my age, and she decided to walk out into the sun and rain. I did so too in the opposite direction, headed my way.
The mechanical bot remains in me but I guess I can never shut off my left brain. The pace of things and how I feel, a mixture of tasks and yet a melancholy.
