Today, I got on a crowded tram M13 to go to Warschauer Str. on my way to the Am Urban postnatal classes. Being not so uptight about getting close to people like other Berliners, I found an empty window seat beside a man and I asked him if I could take that seat. He smiled and moved over, unlike other Berliners from my experience who want to keep holding on to their seats. I liked his energy, it felt easy. As I sat beside him, I became a bit conscious of how my energy would affect his. I really want people to be able to relax when sitting next to each other and I take it upon myself, it starts with me. When one person relaxes, the other person also feels more relaxed. When one person tenses up, the other person also tenses up. My first effort was to relax, just be present and try to ease up any tension in my body. I noticed that there was some restlessness in his hands, no idea for what reason. I was pretty still, just breathing and connecting to his energy. It somehow felt safe to connect. During one of those turns where one person is kind of pushed towards the other person with the centrifugal force, I felt the soft texture of his sweater, it felt so so good, so warm and cozy. I don't know, there was just this ease and connection that made it so enjoyable to just sit beside each other. As I was enjoying this feeling and liked it very much, I was wondering what's he gonna do about this, how is our goodbye going to be? Is he feeling the way I am feeling? A connection like this can only be two-sided. Would he ask me for my number? I don't know... Then we were reaching his stop and he got up from his seat and went and stood near the door. He looked at me from near the door and smiled, I smiled too. And then we were both looking at different things. Finally as his stop came, I stole a look at him and he looked at me and we both smiled again. And he nodded a bye and left. It felt so good to have feelings reciprocated and acknowledged liked that. I never heard his voice and will soon forget his face. And yet how we communicated, it was really romantic. It warmed my heart for the rest of the day and made me smile whenever I remembered.
This is the kind of ease I want to feel in a relationship.
