August 29 in AZ ... I suffer for I want you

These words have passed by me for years like air but only today do I taste the loaded pain and hope. This is what my heart feels for you, because somehow it's hidden and disconnected from reality. It's adrift somewhere under the sunshine, open blue skies and green pastures. It's beseeching you with desire, naive, vulnerable, naked. It foolishly thinks it's speaking to your heart. It's still foolishly waiting for you.

बेपनाह प्यार है आजा, तेरा इंतज़ार है आजा...      

Maybe hearts speak like this but humans don't. But even if they did, you would never appreciate anyway. I don't know why people say their heart broke, I feel like mine tore.

Revival

I am back here, unexpectedly, after 5 years!

And yet, reading everything I have written transports me back to those moments and feelings. Wow! I realize expression is a gift to mankind like no other. We all like to revisit our favourite places, even if we forget we can find them on the map. That's about physical space. But what about that other dimension you journeyed through? An emotional map does not exist and it can be really hard to revisit certain emotional checkposts. One might think of pictures clicked during some special occasions - but honestly that can never pierce you so deeply as written words. It might also be because you are not feeling particularly strong emotions while taking pictures. It's mostly when you are with yourself that you find your voice fully and totally. And that is usually when you write.

I am thousands of miles away from my romantic neighbours whom I didn't even know but their accidental gift remains with me - the inspiration for this blog. I will continue to write down about songs as and when they come to me.

December 14...calm down

A long lost love. A promise kept. A dying scent of lose petals getting scattered in the winds. The rhythms fall and converge and blur into a flurry...which song is this, I've heard it before...oh no, not THAT movie!

बिखरी तेरी खुश्बुएं मेरी ज़िन्दगी की तलाश मे

Think hot coffee. The aroma makes you reluctantly peep into the cold morning, all dazed. And then a blast of freshness overcomes you and you remark, what a beautiful day! If you pick the optimistic energy of the beats, this is going to be one of those days where everything you do turns out well...

बदला मैं सारा यूँ यूँ यूँ

Passion is alluring and you might think it is the best thing that ever happened to you. But what happens when passions compete? In spite of the melancholy, the smile appears on your face when you remember the days when the passion was fresh...how uncertain everything was, and yet how right it seemed.

मैं चाहूं तुझको मेरी जां बेपन्हा 

Where is this sweet voice beckoning you? Or is it your own voice beseeching you to explore something tantalising. You don't know it yet but the innocently twinkling stars, they are actually burning.

चाहत के उजले उजले नज़ारों में ले चलूं

November 17 ...why am I still awake?

A moist and cool pleasant feeling is all that remains after you have reached the comfort of your home while the rains are still thrashing outside in the dark. Is it the light of the candle that's making you feel so warm, or is it something more? 

सुलग सुलग जाए मन 

My Romantic Neighbours!

They are my neighbours. Eversince I came to stay in Bangalore for my year-long dissertation Project. I don't know who they are, or how many. I don't know what they do, how they look or what language they speak. I have hopped on to their roof from mine sometimes in the night while talking over the phone to my boyfriend - they have got a thicker boundary wall on the edge of their terrace and I enjoy lying down on it and looking at the moon and stars against the dark sky through the veil of the whimsically floating clouds. They are the ones who break the silence of the dawn for me with soft music playing. They are the only ones awake apart from me while the rest of the world is in deep slumber.This is an overlap in time when they wake up and I am preparing to sleep. I used to find it hilarious, I have never ever heard of anyone playing such intensely romantic songs at sunrise. And yet day after day I found myself mesmerised with the music. Music from all times, and the times long forgotten. I never felt so good listening to those songs by myself... I guess there is something romantic about muffled music that you hear from a distance, or perhaps it is the unpredictability of the song that comes next- maybe its just the feeling that you have no control over it and yet you are still enjoying it. Every song seizes me by surprise, and I wonder, how beautiful is this song! I feel a strong urge to share my joy but I don't know how something like this can be communicated. Nevertheless, I'm sharing it all for you...perhaps you will enjoy it because you won't know what to expect and some song might just catch you off-guard and transport you to another time and place...

P.S. A word of caution, don't look at the videos at least the first time you hear the song. Visual impulse is powerful and masks the subtle beauty of the song. Of course, you can watch it later for curiosity.