Today, I got on a crowded tram M13 to go to Warschauer Str. on my way to the Am Urban postnatal classes. Being not so uptight about getting close to people like other Berliners, I found an empty window seat beside a man and I asked him if I could take that seat. He smiled and moved over, unlike other Berliners from my experience who want to keep holding on to their seats. I liked his energy, it felt easy. As I sat beside him, I became a bit conscious of how my energy would affect his. I really want people to be able to relax when sitting next to each other and I take it upon myself, it starts with me. When one person relaxes, the other person also feels more relaxed. When one person tenses up, the other person also tenses up. My first effort was to relax, just be present and try to ease up any tension in my body. I noticed that there was some restlessness in his hands, no idea for what reason. I was pretty still, just breathing and connecting to his energy. It somehow felt safe to connect. During one of those turns where one person is kind of pushed towards the other person with the centrifugal force, I felt the soft texture of his sweater, it felt so so good, so warm and cozy. I don't know, there was just this ease and connection that made it so enjoyable to just sit beside each other. As I was enjoying this feeling and liked it very much, I was wondering what's he gonna do about this, how is our goodbye going to be? Is he feeling the way I am feeling? A connection like this can only be two-sided. Would he ask me for my number? I don't know... Then we were reaching his stop and he got up from his seat and went and stood near the door. He looked at me from near the door and smiled, I smiled too. And then we were both looking at different things. Finally as his stop came, I stole a look at him and he looked at me and we both smiled again. And he nodded a bye and left. It felt so good to have feelings reciprocated and acknowledged liked that. I never heard his voice and will soon forget his face. And yet how we communicated, it was really romantic. It warmed my heart for the rest of the day and made me smile whenever I remembered.
This is the kind of ease I want to feel in a relationship.
So nicely written, creates a movie in my head. Someone once told me (and it still lingers in my head), different people bring different experiences and not all are meant to be there for a lifetime, else they might loose their charm. Your story reminds me of that… ncpscientist@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteHow can you possibly create this ease in a relationship when one says, “I have but one request, be honest with me a take care of my heart”.. and you lie about something as devious as still being married! When you have a man breaking his back to carve a future for us and you than make up lies about being denied visa.. and if you were denied it was because that’s what you intended. When you do not give a man any closure about whether his son is alive and well or if your negligence killed him in a hospital!? You want this fleeting feeling of love and butterflies.. but than do not provide the other party the necessary safety to be able to create this constant loving environment.
ReplyDeleteHow can you have a man 2 years later not knowing about his son Shreya? That is pure evil. You know nothing of real love and all of your relationships will be so amazing and beautiful for a time, and than when it gets real, the part that is actually love and working through adversity together. You are totally and wholly absent and unwilling to work together. You straight up trauma bonded me and than when I’m trying to recover just stack on more and more trauma.
Than your magnum opus, just traumatize me over my son, and how is a man supposed to heal when he can find no concrete answers? It is the most devious and evil thing I could ever imagine doing to another person. What about your son? What about the love he needs from his father. You are violating the laws of God, Nature, and Love all at once.. and than romanticizing literal nothings. It’s easy for a man to feel and be easy around a beautiful woman and create a quick flirtatious game.. what is difficult is loving, praying, hoping for that same woman after she deceives you and betrays you so so deeply. That is love. Love that you will never know or understand. You do not know the first thing about love.
to be forgiven for your bullshit, but take any opportunity to drive a stake into my heart if I slip up. And I don’t think I slipped up, I was driven there by you and your poor We would have thrived together, you listen to a twice divorced witch for relationship advice.. you were gifted the greatest blessing any woman has ever received and you totally blew it.. you were loved by the most honest and hard working man that would have cherished you a lifetime, and you brought my fangs out with your lies and deceit, when I was determined to forgive.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the therapy.. I’ve never met a person who got healthy from it, that’s just where they tune the demons and brainwash you more.
Looking around I saw a drained father, don’t even get me started on Moni, an abused puppy, an abused man, a dead baby. Like maybe you should double check the fruit you are producing Shreya, because it’s all rotten. Enjoy your flirtations and getting nowhere worthwhile ever. What you did in regards to our son is so abhorrent. You’re going to pay for that in this life and the next and it’s got nothing to do with me. I can’t believe you effed that up so royally.
lol even in your latest post your like “oh and my boyfriend provided lots of encouragement”.. it’s clear that’s all you value from him. You went on about your ex 10x more.. like you’re the most selfish, wicked c*nt I could ever dream up. I feel so sorry for anyone who comes across your path and actually gets to know the real you. I pray for your soul, or lack thereof
Honestly this is the grossest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Like I want to puke when I think of you. Reviling defiled corrupted minion of hell with no power, no fruit, nothing good from you spring, your garden is dust and ash, your tits are saggy as your midsection, no health to be found, no real love to hold onto, nothing but the memory of sacrificing your greatest blessing ever to manifest wicked magic that was monkey pawed and just cursed you further. Unbelievable. I laugh at your weak and gross coven of super skank demons.
ReplyDeleteLike the ease and trust and beauty we had before you trauma bonded me? Was it better than that? More pure?
ReplyDelete“I’ve had better”.. yeah sounds like twice, and neither of those dudes want to be around you
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